Think.

I knew that from my previous post, all you can say that i am very bored. full of boredomness.

Surprise.

Aku luah.

apa yang aku rasa.

Tak sangka.

mereka juga mengalami hal yang sama.

Sekali lagi.

Panggil. nama aku. Untuk. sekali lagi. Peluk. aku erat & ketat. Sebelum. semuanya berakhir.

Aku okay.

Rindu. pada kau. Hari-hari. tengok telefon. Kot-kot. ada mesej dari kau. Tapi. tak ada la. Okay. aku okay.

Rindu orang lama.

Masih. di sini aku. Tersesat. di waktu lalu. Rindu. dengan kenangan lalu. Lemas. dalam lautan cinta. Kekal. dalam penjara hatimu.

Aku ada kau.

Senang. bila ada kau. Laut. yang keruh jadi biru. Awan. mendung jadi cerah. Lihatlah. betapa aku bahagia. Ada. kau bersama aku.

Beza kita.

Dia. Baik. Aku. pula jahat. Kami. selalu berbeza pendapat. Salah. aku buat dia penat.

Kasih jangan pergi

Aku. Ingin sekali dimanja. Sewaktu. Kau ada aku bahagia. Tapi. Kini kau pergi. Jauh. dari sini. Dan. Biar aku disini sendiri.

Hilang.

penat ditindih sesuatu rasa yang kurang, yang kejap ada dan kemudian berkurang, dulu mereka tegur tapi aku sailang, kiniku bahang.

Bidadari

dari dulu engkau yang ku cari, dari dulu engkau yang ku nanti, jadi dimanakah kau sang pemuja hati?

Hide and rest.

Hide.

I need to hide.
from all those things. that can remind me of you. your face, your body, your soul. and all of the past. Rest I want to rest. I want to breath. please just let me know this death, oh no my this feeling already death, already dead...

Dirt.

I'm screaming. but no one heard. About. you and me. that never related. Someone. said that I'm. just a dirt that you're try to removed.

Tears

If you ever look at back, you will see me with those tears, the regretful tears...  -  #nazrell

Tears

After you left, I’m always sad
No matter how sad I am, the sadness is not enough
I look for a place to hurt and hide
In front of my dark house, in my stopped car, in front of your house
A life without love is like poverty, the only thing remaining is an empty room
You and I, we’re like day and night, which cannot be together
The only thing we split and shared is longing
You get drunk one night, come to me and fuss that you’re gonna sleep with me
You touch my happy trail and say that you wanna lay down in my arms
You ask me why I’m always so busy and silently cry
You say didn’t mean it and that you always believe me
You and everything of you that always protected me
Has now become longing
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


We have bad attachments rather than good attachments
We fight all the time and go for days without seeing each other
But we wanted each other so much
Because we loved each other, because we couldn’t live without each other
The freckles on your body, the food you can’t eat
When we kiss and made up after fighting
When we tightly held hands while driving
I remember all of those things
Even if you’re not next to me for a moment, I get nervous
After letting you go, I easily get blank
I hate the changing world
I forcefully take out your memories
Your name, face, laughter, scent
There are so many memories you gave to me
There is so much soul that you left to me
They come to life and find to me
I crush them all with the word, love
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alone between narrow streets in tears

In case someone sees, I secretly shed tears

I try so hard not to become weak
My tears

Sit alone on the stairs in front of my house in tears

In case you find out, I secretly shed tears

I try so hard not to become weak
My tears

My tears, tears, tears, tears, only tears :(

Happy Eid Everyone

Maaf zahir dan batin. Ampun dan maaf dipinta dari hujung kaki ke hujung kepala. :)

Still a loner

Hey,diary !
Somehow I just feel lost and tired. I just feel like I don't have anyone.
To be clear, I am content with being alone for the past few months.
I think that i don't have anyone to turn to. Maybe it's just me. I don't know.
I feel like a self-centered sensitive twat sometimes. Hormones maybe. So, I am going
to make it clear in here, I don't feel devastated or shattered. Sometimes I just feel like
I am not myself and I'm always standing here and stressing over some bullshits. You can't
say that I have "whoremones" because I know, I don't. It's not like I am not thankful of what
I have and being with the people I am with now. However, I just feel  tensed up. Bumpy life I got here.
I do feel a little bit blue sometimes. Well, at times, we tend to get sad about the littlest things and we
don't like to tell other people that we are about them. I speak my mind, and to be honest I feel like falling apart.

So, i think there's a List that i should do for this moment :
*Always think about happy thoughts*
*Start believing that the best is yet to come*
*Stop hoping to someone that don't need us*
*Pray to god, so I know that I can go through any harsh/rough situations*
*Stare at the ceiling and save my thoughts**Stop wasting my time with stupid question*


Anyway, whatever, I thought I was done feeling like this. I shouldn't think about this matter thou, I have more things to do and there's so little time. So, um, just let it be. The skies are not always blue right? I will always be or at least try to be positive and walkaway.

Whatever it is, who says that I'm lonely? I don't. I still have some friends & family that could make me happy and

I appreciate the effort.No offence everyone. I'm sorry if I ever hurt anyone's feelings. I can't please everyone. Till then, Bye. Assalamualaikum. :')

A loner boy

I actually feel so left out, i don't know why. I was so close to my parent before, but now, i feel like they don't treat me like they used to. I failed making them happy. This is just so sad. I can see that they are quite busy, but I'm their child, one and only. I have to admit that I need full attention from both of my parent. Usually, my parents go out without me. Seriously, I hate it. I have too much things to tell them, but they seem to be uninterested with my stories. I don't mind if they did not respond, but at least they must just listen .

Mom, Dad. Sorry for being such a burden.  Sorry for not being an independent son. Sorry for being rude sometimes. I think that I am the one who's causing this trouble. Yes, I do get moody at times. But please can you guys understand me? . I tried to cheer you up, I tried to make you laugh, but nothing's working. Honestly, I miss both of you so much. I mean, I miss it when I was the one that both of you looked up to. Hmm sorry for everything.

Whatever it is, I love both of you equally and my love shall never fade. I'm so sorry for the things that I've done and I miss you both. Please don't leave me. Promise I will still be the boy that you both always care. 

One day, I hope to be the best son. The best son for you both.

sincerely,

nazrell.

Friday's Horror Movie

I love the rush of physical terror in an otherwise controlled environment - that brief clutching of the heart that seizes you without actually making you feel unsafe. There were a lot more outlets for this kind of thing before I developed a sensitive lower back (no more roller coasters) and a sense of my own mortality (no more thrill rides in general). Lately, I just loves to watch a lot of horror movies.

Yesterday, I went to see Mama, starring Jessica Chastain with black hair (spoiler alert: black hair looks sexy on her) and Nikolaj Coster Waldau, who proves to be just as handsome and intrepid as he is in Game of Thrones, though slightly less incestuous (frowny face). Without giving anything away, Mama is about a dead lady ("Mama"), who connects with her surrogate children via vagina-shaped holes in the wall.

To be fair, these holes are more like animate shadows that sort of breathe and spit moths, and the film itself is very scary. I had bruises afterward from jerking around in my seat and knocking my knees on the cup holders, and spent most of the 100-minute thrill ride with my cheek pressed into my companion's neck. Turns out there's not much creepier or more captivating than feral children skittering around like crabs. By the time we finally see Mama, we understand her -- we feel bad for her -- and empathy will make you less afraid of anybody.

Like Pan's Labyrinth, Mama has a bittersweet and unexpected ending, which you don't often find with horror films. But perhaps my favorite aspect of the movie (aside from the fact that it made me very, very afraid) is that it paints a refreshingly complicated and ultimately poignant portrait of female relationships; the women in Mama are grouchy and loyal and sensitive.

Seat 9 bersebelahan dengan amoi cun, hahaha :p 

A gift for my bestfriend. How can i send this? *sigh*

A novel that i've been searching for a month :p
finally found it and bought it.

My routine

Hey guys! It's been awhile that I didn't update my blog, yeps I'm quite busy these days and um my schedule is quite packed like school class, extra class, home tutor, piano class, hang out, shopping, shopping, shopping and yeahhh shopping. hahaha k NO. I'm just kidding about the shopping. Me go for shopping not to "selalu".  So... I have some issues thou. I can't spill it out because it's too public but there's a lot of things to think about. But nevermind, spm is more important, I should care less tho. Anyway I fucked up my sleeping hours, I always sleep in the morning,afternoon,evening and night. Oh No !! It's seems like i had my sleep over than 24 hours -,-  and it's obviously not a good thing. I don't even eat much these days, but still not losing weight. Haihhh. Actually I have loads of things to tell, but nevermind, wait for my next post Kay? I'm in hurry, Assalamualaikum.

No more 'Crush'

So, jyeahh... I went through ups and downs, as usual.
It's a fun month though and I've been experiencing a lot of new stuffs.

The good thing is finally, I don't have any feelings for anyone. This is just for now. No more crush or whatever. Yay, that's me. I'm back. Um, alhamdulillah, everything went well.

Anyway, nothing lasts forever. Happiness would never stay on the right side, all the time right? A rainbow wouldn't exist without rain.  Hahahaha.okay, this is crap. I'm talking a lot now. Gtg, bye. #SeeYewSoon